how to love
by drownerinblackness
Summary: Santana was a lonely Girl and Brittany wanted nothing more than to change that. can she bring her back from her ugly past or will she remain unable to trust anyone but her best friend.
1. Chapter 1

She was alone and lost in what seems such a busy world always feeling as if she were drowning in the wild sea of people. Santana Lopez, age 18 , attended William D county high school as a six form student, she hated every moment of it but for her in life she knew what she was aiming for. Until she met Kyle. She wasn't At all popular but not at all a nerd, just some middle class, plain normal girl stuck in a school of oppressing walls and voices.

The day she met Kyle was the day that everything changed for Santana, little did she know it. She hung out with friends in the glee club at the local snooker hall in their town. And that was when Noah introduced her to Kyle. They Hit it off and Santana liked his company and over time of talking on facebook and meeting up in person more and more around town they became boyfriend and girlfriend. Santana felt happy but still un-nerved being around Kyle and Trusting him to be the perfect guy for her. After being with Kyle properly in a relationship for only one day she decided that she could trust him but to be careful with her feelings. The second night that they were together Kyle decided to sneak round to Santana's house whilst her parents were out and even though she didn't want him to come inside she didn't feel like she had much choice. After starting to watch a film he got bored and started to run his hands up and down Santana's legs. "San, do you want to…. You know…? " "Kyle we can't, it's too soon, and my parents could come home any time." After a while of her saying no to Kyle's proposal he tried again and this time it was too late, instead of running his hands up and down her legs he had moved them to the gap between her thighs. "Kyle, we can't…" " Baby we can, it'll be ok, we'll be quick." .

Once Kyle had left that night Santana sat alone in her room as usual and cried. It wasn't because she was a virgin, because she wasn't. But she had always promised that after last time the next person she would give herself to would be special and that feeling wasn't there with Kyle. She carried on seeing Kyle and calling him her boyfriend for a while but soon after asked for space, which he didn't like at all.

Just before Santana slipped in to bed the night after asking for a break with Kyle she felt the buzz of her phone beeping. She opened the message and she wasn't expecting what she saw **From Britt: San I have something to tell you tomorrow meet me in the ally before school tomorrow ?x **Santana didn't know what this could be but she felt this strange pull in her stomach and just put it down to not eating a lot that night. Quickly tapping a reply she fell asleep gently wondering what it could be that Britt wanted.

Brittany Pierce was a young girl of the age of 16, she had a loving family and the accepted her for who she was and her main choice in life to be bisexual. She also attended William D county high. She had a good stable life to anyone who was to be a general acquaintance to her. But behind closed doors very few actually knew the real her. She didn't have many friends at school specially not in her year but because she was in glee club she was good friends with the liked of Santana Lopez and Quinn Fabray, two of her best friends. The only secret she never told anyone not even San or Q , was the only secret that made her so scared and unstable that she found it hard to think straight.

She was slowly dying away inside and nobody cared to notice the pain she had been going through for the last few weeks. Her best and only friend in her year was in fact the only person who was around to help her through the dark times she was facing and the heart ache she was going through. Kurt, who was in fact gay himself decided that it was enough moping around and time to step up " Tell her Britt!, if you want your girl so badly then go get your girl !". so she decided that she needed to at least get it off of her chest and see if she would ever find her happiness so she typed out a message and pressed send, then when the reply came rather quickly she finally settled in to bed but she couldn't sleep because she was so nervous for what was in store the next day.


	2. Chapter 2

That morning Santana woke with a head ache and a Dislike for the word school, well who actually likes school anyways? But she thought to herself it is only a couple months till I can leave this cow town and make life my own. Then she remembered The message that Brittany Sent her the night before and for some odd reason it pushed her towards actually going to school and not bunking in town having a couple of smokes like she normally would on a Tuesday.

Brittany was So tired only having 4 hours sleep was not the way to do things and Being so nervous about telling her girl how she really feels. She climber out of bed and tried to get on with her normal morning routine but she just could eat a thing her stomach was filled with a million butterflies making her shake whilst trying to spook her lucky charms in to her mouth, so she just gave up and walked to school to wait for her girl.

Standing down the alley way Santana waiting about 5 minutes until she saw swooping blond hair round the corner and heard the sweet soft voice of Brittany apologising for being late. Santana felt weird at this and put her head down, she actually found it cute the way Brittany worried so much about being 5 minutes late, and Santana Lopez doesn't do cute at all. "Britt calm down, its fine being only a little late hasn't killed anyone!" Brittany smiled at the nickname Santana always calls her and blushes slightly for being in such a hurry. They started by asking how each other were because they hadn't seen each other for a while then Brittany blurted out " Ok so I'm just gonna come out and say it San I really like you , like more than a friend and I know that you don't feel the same way so I just need to get over it but I figured that If I ever were to have a chance then I should at least have told you and I totally don't wanna lose you as a friend because that'd suck and well…" Santana cut her off "Britt calm down, you're rambling. Look, you know that you're my best friend and you won't lose me but I can't do this... I'm sorry." And with that Santana took off running towards the back gate of the school and didn't even look back. Brittany slumped down against the wall and sobbed out quickly typing a quick message to Kurt telling her where she was and that she wasn't coming inside just yet.

Santana finally stopped when she reached where she wanted to be and she settled down against the hard cold chair that her and Noah had made in their secret den when they were about 14. She came here to think about things when all she wanted to do was cry, knowing that the only people that would find her would be Noah or Quinn. For a while she had this inner battle of why she ran from Britt and what she should do about Kyle. She hated herself right now so much for what she had done to her best friend and she hated herself for letting him put her hands all over her and for feeling those butterfly feeling when she saw Brittany round the corner this morning. She broke down in tears in no time and curled up in the safety of the den knowing that no one would be around for a long time yet. Just as she lay her head down she felt the buzz of her phone, expecting it to be Quinn she opened it without any doubt but then she saw the ID on the message and it read **From Kyle : baby I miss you, please take me back I don't know what to do without you and I'm so , sorry for whatever I did to you, seriously I miss you and your body and the fun we have, just think about it. Love you xxxxxxxxx **This made her feel even more sick to the stomach and she realised then at the moment that Kyle was totally out of the picture and that she didn't want him in her life at all anymore, he was just such a douche to her. So without replying to his futile attempt to get back in to her pants she lay her head down and drifted off in to a deep sleep.

When she finally awoke she had her head in someone's lap, looking up she found Quinn's eyes and began to cry once again. Once she had managed to get her cool again and stop the crying bullshit she lit up a smoke and explained what happened to Quinn. She knew they could take without being judged because Quinn was her best friend after all. Feeling guilty as hell knowing that running away was so wrong Santana typed out a quick message to Brittany.

Brittany was sitting in her technology class trying to block out the world and not talk to any of the glee members she shared the class with, it was proving difficult when everyone kept asking her what was wrong and that she should probably sing about it in glee club later on that day. When she felt the buzz of her phone she finally had a valid excuse to ignore all of these pointless offers of help. ** From Santana: Hey Britt. I know what I did this morning was so wrong and you didn't deserve that at all. In fact you deserve so much more than me because you are perfect, I just know that I'd hurt you in some way and would hate myself even more if I did hurt you. I don't know how I feel right now because of Kyle and a few other things and well I just hope that you're ok and that you and I can still be as close as we usually are, because honestly you are one of my only real friends. Here if you need to talk xo ** Brittany never bothered to reply because she honestly couldn't write it all down.


	3. Chapter 3

Later that afternoon in glee club Santana was sitting at the very back of the room with Quinn by her side and another chair unoccupied next to her, she secretly hoped that Brittany would come and sit with her so they could talk but was soon then disappointed when Brittany Swayed in to the room and humped down in to a chair in the front row. As soon as Mr Shue walked in to the room she jumped up in a total Brittany style and exclaimed that she was going to be performing her song for the weeks assignment. "take it away then Brittany !" And without a confused answer or even a response Brittany stood at the front of the class ready to sing.

Hello world  
Hope you're listening  
Forgive me if I'm young  
For speaking out of turn  
There's someone I've been missing  
I think that they could be  
The better half of me  
They're in the wrong place trying to make it right  
But I'm tired of justifying  
So I say to you..

Come home  
Come home  
Cause I've been waiting for you  
For so long  
For so long  
Right now there's a war between the vanities  
But all I see is you and me  
The fight for you is all I've ever known  
So come home  
Oh

I get lost in the beauty  
Of everything I see  
The world ain't half as bad  
As they paint it to be  
If all the sons,  
All the daughters  
Stopped to take it in  
Well hopefully the hate subsides and the love can begin  
It might start now, yeah  
Well maybe I'm just dreaming out loud  
Until then...

Come home  
Come home  
Cause I've been waiting for you  
For so long  
For so long  
Right now there's a war between the vanities  
But all I see is you and me  
The fight for you is all I've ever known  
Ever known  
So come home  
Oh

Everything I can't be  
Is everything you should be  
And that's why I need you here  
Everything I can't be  
Is everything you should be  
And that's why I need you here  
So hear this now...

Come home  
Come home  
Cause I've been waiting for you  
For so long  
For so long  
Right now there's a war between the vanities  
But all I see is you and me  
The fight for you is all I've ever known  
Ever known  
So come home  
Come home

Brittany looked to the floor as everyone cheered, then taking the chance to look up she glances to Santana, the Girl who spent the whole of her song with tear filled eyes and a fighting urge to run away again. Instead of saying anything to the class or even trying to talk to Santana , she ran, just like Santana did earlier that day, but she never stopped, she Ran all the way home, forgetting to tell Kurt that she didn't need a lift and when she finally got there she slumped down on to her bed and Cried herself to sleep. When she woke the house was full of that eerie silence that usually hangs in every door way because her parents worked all hours to keep the family together. She knew nobody would be home tonight so she grabbed a Quick snack and headed back to her room and as she found her collection of blades searching for the sharpest one she sliced in to her arms on the tender soft skin watching as the crimson liquid seeped out of her and on to the thick bandage she held underneath all of the deep but small slices she had made on both of her arms. When she had cleaned herself up she decided to try and sleep forgetting home work, and Santana and the lonely house she was forced to stay in.

Santana sat frozen to her seat in glee that day throughout the whole performance that Brittany gave but when she saw her run away after looking at her she held back her tears even more knowing the song was all for her she bolted from her chair shortly after Brittany did and set out to find the beautiful blonde girl that she longed to be ok, and happy. But of course she knew she wasn't ok, and it was all her fault; Santana and everybody else heard the crack in her voice as she sang the last part of the chorus perfectly but only Santana saw the glance exchanged between them and the hurt and meaning inside Brittany's piercing blue eyes. She felt sick and hate herself a bit more every time the blonde's beautiful face popped in to her mind. After not being able to sleep she decided to slip on some tracksuit pants and a hoodie and slipped out of her window. With only one place in mind Santana headed to Brittany's house knowing that they could talk alone.


	4. Chapter 4

When Santana got to where she needed to be she took a deep breath, she knew what she wanted now and that was the Beautiful blonde girl in the house before her all alone and upset because of her. She wasn't sure if her parents were home at all so she went round the side of the house to her girl's window and grabbed the ladder from the bushes, she climbed on to Britt's balcony and tried the door handle, to her surprise it just eased open. But what she saw made her feel sicker that she had yet to feel…. Brittany was laid across her bed with her eyes closed and a placid look on her face her chest rose slowly up and down but the sickening thing was a the deep slashes all up the insides of her perfect snow like arms. Before Santana could hold it in she broke in to tears and ran to her beautiful girl she sat by her side "Britt Britt, wake up, please!" she lightly touched the blondes face and her eyes began to open slowly and when she saw what Santana had been crying over she hurried to hide what she had done. She jumped up from the bed and grabbed a hoodie to wrap around herself, but before she had the chance to put it on Santana came up behind her and took the hooded top and threw it to the ground, she then picked up Brittany's arms one at a time and placed kisses over every cut that had been made on her arms.

They sat in the lounge after they finished crying and they began to talk properly about what had happened that very day. "Britt I never wanted to hurt you, I knew from the moment that I ran away that I was making a huge mistake…" "So why didn't you even look back?" "Because I'm a coward Britt, you deserve so much better than anything that I can give you." They sat in silence for a long time just staring down at their interlocked hands then Brittany raised her voice catching Santana off guard " what if I don't want better San, what if all I want and need is sitting right in front of me and she is just too damn stubborn to let herself feel anything!" Santana looked up with hurt in her eyes, the tears threatening to spill again then she dropped Britt's hands and bolted upright to leave " wait san I'm sorry, please don't ….."  
"No Brittany…" Santana cut in "you know about my past, you know about Rachel and you know about Kyle, so excuse me for not being able to open myself up to anyone, I thought you understood that, I thought you were different, but in actual fact you're no different…" Before Santana could say anymore Brittany had pulled her face in to her hands and crashed their lips together hard shutting Santana up by the sheer shock of the kiss. It was slow and sensual and it made Santana feel so much more than she ever had before. Brittany was the first to break the kiss by placing their foreheads together "Santana, you are perfect and I want you more than anything, please trust me baby." At this Santana's breath hitched and she was rendered speechless.

It was two weeks since the girls had shared their first kiss and ever since that night they had been stronger than ever. The one thing that stood between them was not being able to tell people, Santana didn't want her family and friends to react in a bad way so they had to keep their new found happiness to themselves, keeping that excitement inside was so hard for Britt and it was even harder for the two girls to keep their hands off of each other during school. It was a Tuesday and Britt had Gym class today when Santana had her free study hour, so Santana though she would surprise her girl by taking her out of class, it wasn't an important class anyways.  
"Mrs Sylvester, I need to talk to Brittany, it's urgent and she will probably be missing your class today, sorry for the inconvenience." "Thank god, one less of these sloppy babies to try and beat sense in to." As Santana lead her in to the corridor Brittany followed on feeling very confused and unsure of what was happening, was San breaking up with her?


	5. Chapter 5

"San? Where are we going?" without warning Santana was then pinning Brittany to the wall and placing chaste kissed up and down her neck " Baby it's more like what are we gonna do…" Then their lips met in a frenzied kiss and they were lost in their own world just them, no gym class, no friends, no family, just Santana and Brittany. Their kisses became more frantic as their hands began to wonder as Santana cupped her breasts Britt moaned "Tana, not here, we can't!" But they continued to kiss one another and Brittany slid her tongue in to San's mouth battling for dominance of the make out session when there was an interruption "San , what the hell?!" Quinn had rounded the corner on her way to talk to her cheer coach and clearly at the wrong time.

"Q please don't freak out , you're my best friend , I can't lose you, but things with me and Britt , they just happened and I think that I love her!" Quinn spun around in the corridor when Santana finally caught up to her " Look san its fine do what you like, I'm happy for you and Britt, you're both my friends but people will see this differently, she is two years younger than you! You know there'll be looks and gossip, but I'll be there for you and her through it all, just calm down the whole PDA in the halls, I mean you're lucky it was only me." Quinn stepped forwards and embraced Santana and they stayed that way until the bell for Glee club rang "thanks Q, I couldn't do this without you, it's been so hard these past few weeks, I think we're gonna tell the glee club today."

Walking in to the choir room Santana stated that she'll be performing in today's lesson and Rachel slumped back in to her seat keeping her mouth shut as Santana shot her a nasty warning glare.  
"go for it Santana" Mr shue said.

Oceans apart day after day  
And I slowly go insane  
I hear your voice on the line  
But it doesn't stop the pain

If I see you next to never  
How can we say forever

Wherever you go  
Whatever you do  
I will be right here waiting for you  
Whatever it takes  
Or how my heart breaks  
I will be right here waiting for you

I took for granted, all the times  
That I thought would last somehow  
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears  
But I can't get near you now

Oh, can't you see it baby  
You've got me going crazy

Wherever you go  
Whatever you do  
I will be right here waiting for you  
Whatever it takes  
Or how my heart breaks  
I will be right here waiting for you

I wonder how we can survive  
This romance  
But in the end if I'm with you  
I'll take the chance

Wherever you go  
Whatever you do  
I will be right here waiting for you  
Whatever it takes  
Or how my heart breaks  
I will be right here waiting for you  
Waiting for you

There was moderate applauding coming from some of the Glee members, Quinn included. But there were many confused looks shown on many faces, Santana signalled for Brittany to come stand with her and Britt complied with her request. Santana wanted to do this her own way and also surprise Britt at the same time. "Guys I sang this song for Brittany, and Brittany I wanted to ask you and now is the right time. Will you be my girlfriend?" Applause filled the room, and congratulations were given to the girls who now seemed so happy, Brittany said yes and they shared a light kiss then when they thought everything was going right Finn piped in  
"NO. This is so wrong! You two cannot be serious, She is two years younger and They are both freeking girls! This club will be even more of a joke, and as a leader of this team I am saying no, either you two break up , or you're out of the club!" The next thing the club knew they were breaking up a fight between Finn and Santana and heading to the principal's office.

At Brittany's that night the girls lay down on Brittany's bed. Santana lay with the back of her head pressed against Brittany's clothed crotch and Brittany was laying with her head against her pillows, they had the lady and the tramp on the TV but only Santana was watching it, Brittany was focused on Santana's injuries from her big fight with Finn. As she stroked down Santana's face Santana turned round and her willow brown eyes had turned to a thick shade of black, with a cheeky glint in them. Brittany never felt so uneasy but safe at the same time. Crawling on top of Brittany, Santana whispered in to her ear "do you trust me baby?" All Brittany could do was nod so Santana took this as a positive sign and kissed her lips with tenderness, running her hands through her girl's long blonde locks. After a while of making out with each other and battling each other's tongues Santana lifted Brittany's shirt over her head and began to palm her breasts Then they began to strip one another of their clothes so they were fully naked in front of each other.  
"you're so beautiful Britt baby , I'm so lucky to have you."  
"mm baby I'm the lucky one, you're all mine."  
their Santana then placed a soft kiss to Brittany's lips again and laid her back down on her bed, she ran her hands over Brittany's perfectly toned abs and stroked through soft blonde curls just above where she wanted to be most. Then she slowly teased her entrance and entered her with one finger "mmm baby more…" Brittany moaned. She added an extra finger and thrust in and out gaining a rhythm "Babe if you like this, you'll love what I'm gonna do next" as Santana said this she pulled her fingers out of her girl and when Brittany opened what she saw stopped her heart, Santana dove her head down towards her glistening entrance and licked upwards slowly, making Britt buck her hips in desperate need for more. So Santana licked her clit in small circles and re-entered the blond goddess with two fingers and picked up a steady rhythm again "Tana, ughh what's happening?" Brittany moaned unsure of what her body was feeling "Baby just let it go, I'm here, I promise." Brittany let go and came around Santana's fingers her throbbing entrance pulling her fingers further in to her, Santana kept her rhythm until she had helped Britt ride out her orgasm, then she covered her girls body with the duvet "that was….. thank you baby, I love you." "I love you too baby" and both girls slipped in to a comfortable sleep for the first time by each other's sides.


	6. Chapter 6

**hey guys don't forget to drop me a review and tell me what i can do to make this better. thanks for reading. **


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